- Avoid the use of "this" as a pronoun and other unclear references.
"The Futurists saw themselves as artistic revolutionaries, challenging
cultural complacency and conventional form in art. This especially influenced
the Dadaists."
It is unclear what the word "this" in the second sentence refers
to: "Artistic revolution"? "Challenging cultural complacency"? "Challenging
conventional form?" "Futurists"? Sometimes writers may use "this" as a
noun as a convenient way to escape clarity. But "this" is a pronoun, and
it demands an antecedent to function clearly. One solution is to
follow "this" with a word or phrase stating what you are referring to:
"The Futurists were especially known for advocating artistic revolution.
This advocacy influenced the Dadaists."
While it is possible to use "this" as a pronoun when the reference
is absolutely unambiguous, 95% of the time this use sacrifices clarity. Again,
it is sometimes helpful to use your word processor to search for the word "this."
The unclear use of "this" as a noun is the most common example of a larger
problem: unclear references. Be aware of precisely what you intend to refer
to when using words like "which," "it," and so on.
- Avoid "there are" constructions.
Sometimes a sentence that only states existence is a useful way to
establish cohesion between sentences, but usually the most engaging sentences have
identifiable actors and action verbs. Be careful of phrases such as
"there is," "are present," "are evident," "displays," "can be seen," that tell us only
that something exists or is possessed, not what it does.
Such constructions often suggest that the sentence could be combined
with the next sentence that shows what that thing does:
| Original | Much better |
| There is a destruction of space in most Cubist paintings. However, there is
no evidence for Apollinaire's claim that this reflected modern movements in physics. |
Apollinaire had no evidence to support his claim that the Cubists' destruction of
space reflected modern movements in physics. |
| A vibrant luminence is present in many of Albert Bierstadt's landscapes.
His treatment of light also helps create a suggestion of the divine in nature. |
Albert Bierstadt's treatment of light in many of his landscapes creates a
vibrant luminence and suggestion of the divine in nature. |
Word processors can be helpful again to search for the word "there."
- Always look for a simpler, shorter way to say the same thing.
The first way you think of expressing an idea might not be the most
concise. When reading your draft, try to find simpler ways of phrasing
the same thing. Sometimes an author can completely cut out a clause, phrase,
or even a sentence without compromising the meaning of the passage:
| Original | Much better |
| Many composers turned to writing for small ensembles during World
War I due to the fact that orchestras and other large arts institutions
were closed by the poor economies and costs of war of countries in Europe
at this time. |
During World War I, many composers wrote for small ensembles
because war-time economies forced the closure of orchestras and other large
arts institutions. |
Here are some common phrases and their more concise versions:
| The phrase: | Can usually be replaced by: |
| Due to the fact that | Because |
| At this point in time | Now or At this time |
| As to whether | Whether |
| Oftentimes | Often |
| He is a person that | He is |
| She is the possessor of | She has |
| The question as to whether | Whether |
| Used for the purposes of | Used for |
| A consensus of opinion | A consensus |
| As can be seen | [nothing] |
| It can be seen that | [nothing] |
| On further examination | [nothing] |
| However, if one looks more carefully | [nothing] |
The construction "There is...that..." can usually be eliminated: "There are numerous
passages in Ives's Fourth Symphony that quote American popular music," can easily
be revised to, "Numerous passages in Ives's Fourth Symphony quote American popular music."
- Avoid weasel words.
A paper such as those you write for this class is by its nature
interpretive or argumentative. The reader takes for granted that you are expressing
your informed interpretation. Introducing a sentence as your opinion, then, is not
only unnecessary, it weakens your statement, as if you are trying to "weasel" out of
making a firm commitment to a point. Therefore, avoid phrases such as:
- I think...
- I believe...
- In my opinion...
- In my mind...
Likewise, avoid any unnecessary qualifiers to a point you're making that weaken your commitment:
- Concentrate on what's necessary.
Avoid words
and phrases such as "Needless to say...", "Obviously...", and "As shown before...".
If something is needless to say, then don't. If a paragraph can still convey the
same point without a particular sentence, then take it out. Avoid repeating the same
point unnecessarily. Even in your conclusion, which will most often summarize
points you have made, endeavor to express them in a fresh way.
Likewise, avoid restating what is already in a quote. Don't tell us what your source
just said. Interpret it for us or show us how it relates to your point.
| Original | Much better |
| Riviere said, "The true purpose of painting is to represent objects as they really
are; that is to say, differently from the way we see them" (76). Thus he was saying
that the Cubists should represent the essence rather than the appearance of the
object. |
Riviere's statement that, "The true purpose of painting is to represent objects
as they really are; that is to say, differently from the way we see them" (76)
implies a duality of existence of objects suggested by the contemporary philosopher
Henri Bergson. |
- Beward of vague words and phrases.
Part of your job as a writer is to clarify as much as possible. Therefore, you
should avoid constructions (such as passive voice sometimes) which allow you to
escape specifics. Here are some vague words which often substitute for a clearer
expression:
- thing
- notion
- mindset
- feel (as a noun)
Writers should also avoid vague and colloquial expressions of relationships or connections:
- "is centered on"
- "is big on"
- "is into"
Again, word processors can be helpful again to search for such words and phrases.
- Avoid hyperboles.
Sometimes overstatements
have become colloquial expressions of emphasis, but such words and phrases
should be avoided in a formal paper:
| Avoid | When you mean |
| exact opposite | very different |
| blatant | obvious |
| totally | very |
| extremely | very |
| incomprehensible | difficult to understand |
| incredible | amazing |
| unique | distinctive |
Also, never qualify the word "unique." "Unique" means one of a kind, so it is
impossible for something to be "very unique" or "rather unique."
- Be careful about verbing nouns.
Making nouns into verbs has been a distinctively American pastime for centuries. Benjamin Franklin himself bemoaned the fact that words such as "progress" and "notice" had made this transition in his time. Although readers and dictionaries now accept these words and others as nouns bequeathed by the natural evolution of language, as writers we should be careful about forcing nouns into this new duty. Sometimes doing so only creates an awkward expression or is a self-conscious adoption of MBA-speak. Most uses of the following examples could be easily replaced with simple conventional verbs:
- author
- dialog
- evidence (especially as in "is evidenced by")
- gift
- impact
- interface
- leverage
- partner
- position
- task
- transition
Although less common, adjectives too can be made into nouns. Avoid using "vocal" and "visual" as nouns. Constructions such as "the visual" are usually just excuses for vagueness.
Also, never create new adjectives or adverbs by adding the suffix "-wise"!
Calvin, from the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes, put it this way: "I take nouns and adjectives and use them as verbs. Remember when 'access' was a thing? Now, it's something you do. It got verbed. Verbing weirds language."
- Use gender inclusive language.
In the past few years,
many style authorities have endorsed the use of plural pronouns ("they," "them," "their") when the
referent is of unknown, indeterminate, or non-binary sex, even when the referent is singular.
The old custom of always using male pronouns for such referents is no longer accepted in most professional
writing. Likewise, don't use language that associates a particular profession
or description with a particular sex (unless there is a legitimate reason for
doing so). For example, "chairman" can be replaced with "chair" or "chairperson,"
"anchorman" with "anchor."